Bre'an Angell


Heartfelt musings & Honest living

Three Months of Scattered Sunshine

I was sitting there, breastfeeding Ellis, sitting right in heaped in middle of the floor, flooding with emotions as we had just said our farewells to my brother for the next two years, and in that moment life gave me the mixed brilliance of a prismatic display on my sweet baby's soft skin. It was the sun bursting through our window, just hitting the glass corner in a way that left a dozen brilliant and tiny rainbows scattering around the room. My emotions had never been displayed so vividly in a like-minded fashion as they did that morning.

The beauty was there, it was just gently showing itself to me, even in mixed heartfelt feelings and honest emotion. But that's the way life is, isn't it? It's a dozen fragments of beautiful scattered sunshine and a wide array of experiences -- of expressions. It's love, it's sadness, it's growth, it's remorse, it's everything and anything we will come to feel or know in this lifetime mixed all together to create a spectacular vision of beauty. 

Those tiny theatrical prisms danced along his beautiful olive skin, just defined enough to request my attention, and yet, subtle enough to be elusive when I tried doing their brightness and magic justice with a camera. It was in that day I understood, I was re-grounded to the truth that our time here is fleeting. Yes, we are presented with hard days, good days, and all days in between, and we choose if we will stand at the center of this cinematic grandeur that comes from this array. Participation in life perhaps is the greatest cumulative effort, working on the single most mesmerizing masterpiece of beauty there ever will be.

Life is rather funny that way, it's every color in the rainbow and then some. It's fickle in keeping things the same, just as the light is constantly moving around the room, never keeping still for but if only just for a second. As our lives continue to progress in time, so does our earth, so does our sun, and the light just keeps changing with seasons and before you know it the equinox has arrived once again, but your age is different, your knowledge has grown, your coordinates on the equator not entirely exact to where your feet were planted last time, your cells are mostly brand new and so even though this equinox is something you have lived through before, it's as if you are having this experience for the first time because you're a new person, in all the ways one can be and then some. Life was never meant to be a thing of repetitious certainty. 

No one can possibly know what is about to happen: it is happening, each time, for the first time, for the only time
— James Baldwin